The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
