I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
