this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just pee around me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
