Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
