Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
