I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
