What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
