Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
