shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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