BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
