There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
