I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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