Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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