We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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