fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
