with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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