Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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