All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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