I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
