I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
