I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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