Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
