my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
