He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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