I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
