I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
