Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
