my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
