If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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