I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
