At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
