I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Girls should come with a carfax report
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize