U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
