You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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