I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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