throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
