I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
