How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
