it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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