I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
