Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
