I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
