O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
