I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
