She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
