Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
