my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
