hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
