I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
