why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
