I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
