you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
