I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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