She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
