Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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