So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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