just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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