we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
