my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
