no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
