singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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