You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
