Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
