you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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