i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
