Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
