i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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